Happy Birthday me =) seventeen.. i'm old as hell. gee` iono what was wrong with me this year though.. just didn't feel like doing anything iguess. but damn, was it nice out or whatt?! didn't feel like my birthday this year even though it was on a very gorgeous saturday. gee` but i did take a walk just to bask in the sun a little. it was nicee. two hours of nothing but thinking screwed me up in the head a little though. ithink a lot, more than i really should, if u ask me. it's a curse.
so i wonder if anyone has actually read any of this. ha. anywayss..
soo my dayy.. woke up. went back to sleep. sister jumped on top of me, kissed me on the cheek, and greeted me a happy birthday. ha i love her. went down stairs and got more birthday greetings except from my dad cuz he forgot til around two or something. ha i'm loved. Jonathan paid me a visit for a couple hours =) went for a walk by myself for another couple hours. and went out to dinner with the fam.. i got this steak that practically melted in my mouth. mmmm =) it was ohh soo tender. ha. what a fat kid.
UGH, i texted him today. why? I DON'T KNOW. he didn't even know what today is. iono why i expected him to asdfghjkl; i asked him to hang out. it was all cool but he couldn't. but why did i ask? all i did was disappoint myself. even after that talk with jonathan about how he's different now... ugh. i hate him so much, i don't think people even understand. so i really just put myself in a bad mood for no reason. foreal? FOREAL? i'm an idiot. as of today, i'm through with him. I AM DONE.
random but, i hate when guys treat me hella cutsie. yea, i'm small and i have a high pitched voice. but u know what? my voice is a lot deeper in my head! andd i really don't realize how small i am until i call a little kid cute and when they get closer, i come to realize that they're the same height as me -__- gee` stupid size of mine. asdfghjkl; guys hella treat me different than my sister. i wanna be on homie status. i hate being the girl that u can't say anything to without flirting with her. WHYY?! ugh. boo me.
*sigh* yupp. well, i'm off. Happy Birthday to me. adios.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Update
soo i weighed myself today and i am the heaviest i have ever been in my life. i weigh one hundred and twenty FREAKIN pounds. asdfghjkl; UGH. i almost cried. i had to step off the scale and recheck like three times. and everytime confirmed it. i almost cried. i am standing at five feet SHORT, weighing one hundred and twenty pounds -__- screw me. stupid varsity volleyball. stupid no skills of mine. stupid me for not being a runner. stupid no discipline of mine. stupid eating habits of mine. stupid STUPID MEE! now i NEED to run. screw the stupid $250 bet with my sister. i need to do this for ME. i don't even care if i win that things anymore; she owes me a hundred anyways. i need to get on those runs. FOR ME.
soo turn about. i decided not to go. napa people always say how fun or dances are but according to american canyon people: NOT crackin. whot to believee? mmm, it's not hard. soo i'm going to a crab feed with ces and her family, and ces' boyfriend and his family instead. awkward? but CRAB, yayy =) wierd cuz i was pretty eh about turn about but i'm superr excited about the crab feed. haha. what can i say? i can eat so much crab, it's disgusting =D
alrighty.. soo every saturday for the next like, two months in my schedule are booked. plus some fridays and sundays. whoot whoot. i lovee being busy =) hopefully my boss changes my hours on saturdays to mornings so that i can go to everything. 3-11 shifts are NOT crackin. the people that work nights shifts are cooler but i don't get to do anything with my saturdays given those work hours soo i give up the cool coworkers. haha. crab feed, my birthday, ces' birthday, veah's house, warriors game, it's ALLL g-double o-d GOOD for the next some weekends. i hope everything comes through; that'd be beyond awesome =D then after, my life will go back to boring and uneventful -__- haha.
alrighty, time to study for my spanish quiz tomorrow. OH, and read for english. i really dropped honors though. i feel pretty good about it, to be honest. kinda disappointed in myself, but can't do anything about it now. so i'm gooood =) so after those two things, i'm off to bed.
adios!
soo turn about. i decided not to go. napa people always say how fun or dances are but according to american canyon people: NOT crackin. whot to believee? mmm, it's not hard. soo i'm going to a crab feed with ces and her family, and ces' boyfriend and his family instead. awkward? but CRAB, yayy =) wierd cuz i was pretty eh about turn about but i'm superr excited about the crab feed. haha. what can i say? i can eat so much crab, it's disgusting =D
alrighty.. soo every saturday for the next like, two months in my schedule are booked. plus some fridays and sundays. whoot whoot. i lovee being busy =) hopefully my boss changes my hours on saturdays to mornings so that i can go to everything. 3-11 shifts are NOT crackin. the people that work nights shifts are cooler but i don't get to do anything with my saturdays given those work hours soo i give up the cool coworkers. haha. crab feed, my birthday, ces' birthday, veah's house, warriors game, it's ALLL g-double o-d GOOD for the next some weekends. i hope everything comes through; that'd be beyond awesome =D then after, my life will go back to boring and uneventful -__- haha.
alrighty, time to study for my spanish quiz tomorrow. OH, and read for english. i really dropped honors though. i feel pretty good about it, to be honest. kinda disappointed in myself, but can't do anything about it now. so i'm gooood =) so after those two things, i'm off to bed.
adios!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
SoOoOo..
hi =) mmm, thought i'd type something up. mmm, so back to school; it pretty much sucks. everyone is like, jetlag from break still. haha everyone is dead in class. and i don't think that it helps that i stay up on the phone til early morning. me and my NOself discipline. gee` buutt anywayss.. soo i saw my grades; 3.0 gpa -__- UGH. woww, i was seriously so mad at myself. GOAL FOR SPRING SEMESTER: 3.5 gpa UNweighted. asdfghjkl; i hate me.
so i'm supposed to take a trip to LA for avid from feb 13-16. we're supposed to go look at like, 5 college campuses and possibly go to disneyland for a little bit? we would leave friday, feb 13 in the morning and get back monday, feb 16 at night. BUT my mom's birthday is on the 13th -__- geeeeze. it sounds like funn and it would be a good oppurtunity. we're gonna visit UCLA, St. Mary's, and alla those. but MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY?! REALLY NOW?! geeee` i'm upset. i'll talk to my mom about it but i already know she's gonna say that she doesn't care and to go. but it's my mom. booo. i'll figure it out. IF i do end up going, ima get her a bomb present. ha
yupp. so i wanna go to turnabout. i've never been to one of vintage's school dances. andd i'm a junior. doesn't sound like it's all thatt but it'd be nice to go, yaknow? BUT no date -__- i shall figure that out too. i WAS gonna ask ryan but eh. iono if that would be too fun; he never seemed to get along with my friends that well.
so who says that weed is their best friend? that they need it and love it? WTH. maryjane is NOT a real girl, how u gon talk about it like it's a life necessity? foreal, it's like that? damn, that makes me veryy sad. just to know that it has come to the point that u feel like u NEED drugs. u have always been the type of person to avoid ur problems and that, in itself, was already unhealthy-mentally. and now, now ur screwing with every aspect of ur life with that crap; mentally for hiding behind the smoke, physically for what it's doing to ur body, and socially because it makes u moody and unapproachable. didn't u take health? those are things that u need to keep balanced in life and in urs, they're beyond LOW. it seriously saddens me to think that this is how u are now. i never had the image of u being a druggie. i never thought u could disgust me, worry me, sadden me, and so much more on such levels until we had that conversation. everytime we talk, u just leave me stupified. i don't understand you. the YOU that i knew was aware of the fact that everyone has problems. YOU were amazing at any sport that u attempted. YOU were smart, BUT lazy. YOU were deep and sensitive on levels that people didn't even know. there was soo much more to u than meets the eye. but iguess people change huh? that's what we do in high school; we endure the peaks and the valleys, losing ourselves or finding ourselves. and in the process of ur growing, i lost my ideal guy. i just pray to God that this is just a phase. that u just got caught up and the real YOU is waiting to come back. not for my sake, but for YOURS; for ur well-being and your future.
u know what really sucks? the person that the whole paragraph is about is the absolute LAST person that will ever read this.
UGH. asdfghjkl; i worry way too much about things that aren't my problems to worry about. it's a curse.
i like this thing. my negative energy has been transferred to this website. i am zen =) haha. and now, i am out. adios for now!
so i'm supposed to take a trip to LA for avid from feb 13-16. we're supposed to go look at like, 5 college campuses and possibly go to disneyland for a little bit? we would leave friday, feb 13 in the morning and get back monday, feb 16 at night. BUT my mom's birthday is on the 13th -__- geeeeze. it sounds like funn and it would be a good oppurtunity. we're gonna visit UCLA, St. Mary's, and alla those. but MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY?! REALLY NOW?! geeee` i'm upset. i'll talk to my mom about it but i already know she's gonna say that she doesn't care and to go. but it's my mom. booo. i'll figure it out. IF i do end up going, ima get her a bomb present. ha
yupp. so i wanna go to turnabout. i've never been to one of vintage's school dances. andd i'm a junior. doesn't sound like it's all thatt but it'd be nice to go, yaknow? BUT no date -__- i shall figure that out too. i WAS gonna ask ryan but eh. iono if that would be too fun; he never seemed to get along with my friends that well.
so who says that weed is their best friend? that they need it and love it? WTH. maryjane is NOT a real girl, how u gon talk about it like it's a life necessity? foreal, it's like that? damn, that makes me veryy sad. just to know that it has come to the point that u feel like u NEED drugs. u have always been the type of person to avoid ur problems and that, in itself, was already unhealthy-mentally. and now, now ur screwing with every aspect of ur life with that crap; mentally for hiding behind the smoke, physically for what it's doing to ur body, and socially because it makes u moody and unapproachable. didn't u take health? those are things that u need to keep balanced in life and in urs, they're beyond LOW. it seriously saddens me to think that this is how u are now. i never had the image of u being a druggie. i never thought u could disgust me, worry me, sadden me, and so much more on such levels until we had that conversation. everytime we talk, u just leave me stupified. i don't understand you. the YOU that i knew was aware of the fact that everyone has problems. YOU were amazing at any sport that u attempted. YOU were smart, BUT lazy. YOU were deep and sensitive on levels that people didn't even know. there was soo much more to u than meets the eye. but iguess people change huh? that's what we do in high school; we endure the peaks and the valleys, losing ourselves or finding ourselves. and in the process of ur growing, i lost my ideal guy. i just pray to God that this is just a phase. that u just got caught up and the real YOU is waiting to come back. not for my sake, but for YOURS; for ur well-being and your future.
u know what really sucks? the person that the whole paragraph is about is the absolute LAST person that will ever read this.
UGH. asdfghjkl; i worry way too much about things that aren't my problems to worry about. it's a curse.
i like this thing. my negative energy has been transferred to this website. i am zen =) haha. and now, i am out. adios for now!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year everyonee =)
Yess, i am now home. I was at Ces' for the countdown and Shanice called me up cuz my sister got hammered-her dumbnut mixed drinks, yacked, and is now KOed. I was kinda irritated at first but iont want my sister here by herself since her friends just cut. I had fun at Ces' though. We never do anything, but it's always the simple things when it comes to satisfying me. I am completely content with my New Year for 09`. Ohh boyy, 2009. So my official list of resolutions:
1. Stay on top of EVERYTHING-school, family, friends, etc.
2. Get back into volleyball-missin it like crazyy
3. Get in shape ($250 on it)
4. Stop cussing-asdfghjkl; good luck to me
5. Don't let others influence my decisions, good or bad.
6. Don't hold myself back for the purpose of trying to be "different"
7. Be open minded-try anything at least once, yea?
8. Get out of my comfort zone
9. Let myself fall-love like i've never been hurt
10. Make up for o7` and 08`
Sounds good to mee =) If ithink of more thenn.. cool. haha. Damn.. 2009. I'm gettin OLLDD! Freakin. My sister is graduating this year =( And next year.. me, ces, michael, geliza, jenelle, and everyonee are graduating!! OHH MANN! ANDD my sister's gonna be in college. UGH. ima misss herr. asdfghjkl;
Mmmm, i am surprisingly happy right now. Hopefully that's a good sign for the rest of the year =) And with that, ima get off and hopefully KO in bit. Good night everyone, Happy New Year =)
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