SoOoOo..

hi =) mmm, thought i'd type something up. mmm, so back to school; it pretty much sucks. everyone is like, jetlag from break still. haha everyone is dead in class. and i don't think that it helps that i stay up on the phone til early morning. me and my NOself discipline. gee` buutt anywayss.. soo i saw my grades; 3.0 gpa -__- UGH. woww, i was seriously so mad at myself. GOAL FOR SPRING SEMESTER: 3.5 gpa UNweighted. asdfghjkl; i hate me.
so i'm supposed to take a trip to LA for avid from feb 13-16. we're supposed to go look at like, 5 college campuses and possibly go to disneyland for a little bit? we would leave friday, feb 13 in the morning and get back monday, feb 16 at night. BUT my mom's birthday is on the 13th -__- geeeeze. it sounds like funn and it would be a good oppurtunity. we're gonna visit UCLA, St. Mary's, and alla those. but MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY?! REALLY NOW?! geeee` i'm upset. i'll talk to my mom about it but i already know she's gonna say that she doesn't care and to go. but it's my mom. booo. i'll figure it out. IF i do end up going, ima get her a bomb present. ha
yupp. so i wanna go to turnabout. i've never been to one of vintage's school dances. andd i'm a junior. doesn't sound like it's all thatt but it'd be nice to go, yaknow? BUT no date -__- i shall figure that out too. i WAS gonna ask ryan but eh. iono if that would be too fun; he never seemed to get along with my friends that well.
so who says that weed is their best friend? that they need it and love it? WTH. maryjane is NOT a real girl, how u gon talk about it like it's a life necessity? foreal, it's like that? damn, that makes me veryy sad. just to know that it has come to the point that u feel like u NEED drugs. u have always been the type of person to avoid ur problems and that, in itself, was already unhealthy-mentally. and now, now ur screwing with every aspect of ur life with that crap; mentally for hiding behind the smoke, physically for what it's doing to ur body, and socially because it makes u moody and unapproachable. didn't u take health? those are things that u need to keep balanced in life and in urs, they're beyond LOW. it seriously saddens me to think that this is how u are now. i never had the image of u being a druggie. i never thought u could disgust me, worry me, sadden me, and so much more on such levels until we had that conversation. everytime we talk, u just leave me stupified. i don't understand you. the YOU that i knew was aware of the fact that everyone has problems. YOU were amazing at any sport that u attempted. YOU were smart, BUT lazy. YOU were deep and sensitive on levels that people didn't even know. there was soo much more to u than meets the eye. but iguess people change huh? that's what we do in high school; we endure the peaks and the valleys, losing ourselves or finding ourselves. and in the process of ur growing, i lost my ideal guy. i just pray to God that this is just a phase. that u just got caught up and the real YOU is waiting to come back. not for my sake, but for YOURS; for ur well-being and your future.
u know what really sucks? the person that the whole paragraph is about is the absolute LAST person that will ever read this.
UGH. asdfghjkl; i worry way too much about things that aren't my problems to worry about. it's a curse.
i like this thing. my negative energy has been transferred to this website. i am zen =) haha. and now, i am out. adios for now!